Persons In Love

Temptation of Wife.  The Fierce Wife.  No Other Woman.  The Legal Wife.  My Husband’s Lover.

                “Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo. Maraming snatcher. Maagawan ka. Lumaban ka!” (Carmi Martin, No Other Woman)

                No, I don’t mean to talk about love.  This is about the persons in love.

                The split-headed man.  You love her.  You like the other one.  You’re attracted to this one.  Until now, I don’t really understand why men look at different girls when they are already committed.  They say it’s their nature.  I agree that we’re part of the environment but I don’t think of unfaithfulness as an inborn character.  They say it’s just a look.  Well, a look becomes stare, a stare craves for talk, talk desires communication, constant communication longs for touch, and touch goes to...  Yeah, it’s just a look, isn't it?

                The bed spacer.  You like him.  You love him.  Worst, you love him so much.  Your days and nights are in moments of him.  You’re willing to sacrifice.  You’re willing to wait.  You’re willing to share even with the least attention he could give.  You do everything, anything, to please him.  You knew it in the first place that you shouldn't be involved but you've let yourself in.  You entertained him.  Or, was it the other way around?

The legal paranoid.  You love him.  He’s your life.  You've been together through the years.  You have so much experiences together you don’t want to let go.  You regret things.  You think about your plans in the future.  You think about your sweet and happy moments when suddenly the pang of what you've learned bites you.  You still love him but you can’t trust him.  It’s 10:00 pm.  He hasn't called yet.  What is he doing.  Where is he.  Who is he with.  Before, you changed yourself to meet his expectations.  Do you really want to change yourself again for the better or to compete with the other one?

Recently, I've been too much attracted with an impressive, good-looking, humorous man, several years older than me.  He was so thoughtful that he woke me up every morning and drove me to school so I would not be late.  He was very caring for he even cooked and prepared lunch and dinner for me.  He called every night to check up on me and share his whole-day story.  I learned to accept his personality, his flaws, and his lies. 

“This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like they care less,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.”

Since I couldn't tell you what happened next, let me just share what I've learned.

To retain loyalty and faithfulness, make a vow with your eyes.  Do not compare.  Tell her what you want and what you don’t.  Say it with love and tenderness.  Make sure she understands.  Don’t praise her when you mean she’s so fat.  She might have misunderstood.  If she’s so tight or too loose, let her know.  Don’t just stay away or wait for her to recognize.  Say it.  Believe me, if she loves you, she’ll consider a change.

Love yourself but not too much.  Consider other person first.  Have fear and respect on the sacredness of marriage and relationship.  Have dignity.  You could have your own.  Someone better.  You shouldn't submit yourself to someone who wouldn't be yours.  You are not an option.  Sometimes, it’s not bad to listen to your friends’ advice.  Do not blind yourself.  Love defined as blind is a cliche.  

Love will never be happy without trust.  Our imperfection leads us to doubt.   You cannot say you have forgiven someone’s sin when you still think of the mistake and bring it on the next quarrel.  You cannot be certain that the one who chooses you will not choose another one at the end of the day.  You should not regret six years or more if it would mean a lifetime suffering.  You can fight, when there’s something worth fighting for.  Set boundaries.  Do not lean upon your own understanding.  (Proverbs 3: 5,6)

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